armpit hair

There were no seats on the subway
so I had to grab a strap
As I lifted up my arm I heard a scream "what’s that?"
I took a look around,
I thought "there must be something scary".
Like a lion or a tiger or the Virgin Mary?
But then, I noticed they were looking at me.
I heard "oh my gawd! They’re hairy!"

You turn thirteen, they put a razor in your hand
To teach you the difference between a woman and a man.
You see, chicks smooth their pits
so boys can smooth the chicks.
But I was different, I wanted to smooth the chicks,
I wanted to lick their pits!

Armpit Hair! Armpit Hair! (I like it)
Armpit Hair! Armpit Hair! (spike it, spike it!)

I was walking around brooklyn
when these cool guys drove by
They said "we’re looking for a good time baby,
wanna ride?"
I flashed my biggest smile,
I said "hey, sounds like fun"
Then I flash my armpit hair. They turn. They run.

Armpit Hair! Armpit Hair! (it’s a weapon)
Armpit Hair! Armpit Hair! (use discretion)

Well, I hear that the Senate is planning a convention
to pass an amendment
On body hair prevention. I’m planning on attending,
I’ll be sitting in the front row.
I’ll have chains on my pits screaming
"Hell no, it won’t go!"
I’m like Inspector Gadget, when I unfurl my curls
I lasso all the bad guys, then I rope in all the girls.
Well, I figure I owe ‘em cause they saved me
From the clueless and the hairless Patriarchy!

Armpit Hair, Armpit Hair! (you know it)
Armpit Hair! Armpit Hair! (grow it, grow it!)

Well, I want to go to Europe, the land of Brave and Free
Where it’s considered natural for girls to be hairy.
Where gillette don’t make a profit off of
keeping womyn busy
As pleasers with their shavers
and their razors and their tweezers.

So to all the boys and the men
with the furry, furry masses
With the ape like backs
and the very hairy asses.
I don’t find that particularly pretty
So get your opinion out of my hairy pitty.

Armpit hair! (forget..) Armpit hair! (gillette)
Armpit hair! (don’t cut it) Armpit Hair!
(rapunzel swung from it!)

They say, "cut your clits and shave your pits,
and cover your tits!"
We say- bullshit.
Cause I use my curls to be at one with the world
like when I’m out camping
And I lay myself to rest
I sleep with my arms up
so the birdies can nest.
So stop and reconsider just what they consider natural
Cause armpit hair is simply
Mammally Factual.

-Alix Olson

The Ballad of the Skeletons

Said the Presidential Skeleton
I won't sign the bill
Said the Speaker skeleton
Yes you will

Said the Representative Skeleton
I object
Said the Supreme Court skeleton
Whaddya expect

Said the Miltary skeleton
Buy Star Bombs
Said the Upperclass Skeleton
Starve unmarried moms

Said the Yahoo Skeleton
Stop dirty art
Said the Right Wing skeleton
Forget about yr heart

Said the Gnostic Skeleton
The Human Form's divine
Said the Moral Majority skeleton
No it's not it's mine

Said the Buddha Skeleton
Compassion is wealth
Said the Corporate skeleton
It's bad for your health

Said the Old Christ skeleton
Care for the Poor
Said the Son of God skeleton
AIDS needs cure

Said the Homophobe skeleton
Gay folk suck
Said the Heritage Policy skeleton
Blacks're outa luck

Said the Macho skeleton
Women in their place
Said the Fundamentalist skeleton
Increase human race

Said the Right-to-Life skeleton
Foetus has a soul
Said Pro Choice skeleton
Shove it up your hole

Said the Downsized skeleton
Robots got my job
Said the Tough-on-Crime skeleton
Tear gas the mob

Said the Governor skeleton
Cut school lunch
Said the Mayor skeleton
Eat the budget crunch

Said the Neo Conservative skeleton
Homeless off the street!
Said the Free Market skeleton
Use 'em up for meat

Said the Think Tank skeleton
Free Market's the way
Said the Saving & Loan skeleton
Make the State pay

Said the Chrysler skeleton
Pay for you & me
Said the Nuke Power skeleton
& me & me & me

Said the Ecologic skeleton
Keep Skies blue
Said the Multinational skeleton
What's it worth to you?

Said the NAFTA skeleton
Get rich, Free Trade,
Said the Maquiladora skeleton
Sweat shops, low paid

Said the rich GATT skeleton
One world, high tech
Said the Underclass skeleton
Get it in the neck

Said the World Bank skeleton
Cut down your trees
Said the I.M.F. skeleton
Buy American cheese

Said the Underdeveloped skeleton
We want rice
Said Developed Nations' skeleton
Sell your bones for dice

Said the Ayatollah skeleton
Die writer die
Said Joe Stalin's skeleton
That's no lie

Said the Middle Kingdom skeleton
We swallowed Tibet
Said the Dalai Lama skeleton
Indigestion's whatcha get


Said the World Chorus skeleton
That's their fate
Said the U.S.A. skeleton
Gotta save Kuwait

Said the Petrochemical skeleton
Roar Bombers roar!
Said the Psychedelic skeleton
Smoke a dinosaur

Said Nancy's skeleton
Just say No
Said the Rasta skeleton
Blow Nancy Blow

Said Demagogue skeleton
Don't smoke Pot
Said Alcoholic skeleton
Let your liver rot

Said the Junkie skeleton
Can't we get a fix?
Said the Big Brother skeleton
Jail the dirty pricks

Said the Mirror skeleton
Hey good looking
Said the Electric Chair skeleton
Hey what's cooking?

Said the Talkshow skeleton
Fuck you in the face
Said the Family Values skeleton
My family values mace

Said the NY Times skeleton
That's not fit to print
Said the CIA skeleton
Cantcha take a hint?

Said the Network skeleton
Believe my lies
Said the Advertising skeleton
Don't get wise!

Said the Media skeleton
Believe you me
Said the Couch-potato skeleton
What me worry?

Said the TV skeleton
Eat sound bites
Said the Newscast skeleton
That's all Goodnight

- Allen Ginsberg, 1995